Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of... - Bill Watterson

"When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back."

"Ms. Wormwood: Calvin, can you tell us what Lewis and Clark did? Calvin: No, but I can recite the secret superhero origin of each member of Captain Napalm's Thermonuclear League of Liberty. Ms. Wormwood: See me after class, Calvin. Calvin: [retrospectively] I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information."

"HOBBES:If you don't get a goodnight kiss you get Kafka dreams."

"It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I accept."

"I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep my expectations."