"Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure."
"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose."
"If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?"
"I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the shit out of Todd, Kyle and Tucker."
"It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya."
"I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood."