More quotes by George Carlin

"I think I am, therefore, I am... I think."
"I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the shit out of Todd, Kyle and Tucker."
"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose."
"He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly."
"Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it."