"The difference between me and a scientist is a little word called “Science.” I don’t believe in it. Science has yet to validate my disbelief in Bigfoot."
"The last time somebody pointed out that cowboys ride horses, not tricycles, I shot him. Of course, I waited until another gunslinger gunned him down, but nevertheless, I still shot him."
"Can America get back to a point where politicians are honest? Not unless that point is the tip of a sword."
"I’m willing to die for the woman I love. I just want to take 75 years to do it."
"I am the red wheelbarrow of communism. William Carlos Williams wrote a poem about me."
"The morning always has a way of creeping up on me and peeking in my bedroom windows. The sunrise is such a pervert."