"The morning always has a way of creeping up on me and peeking in my bedroom windows. The sunrise is such a pervert."
"I wish my stove came with a Save As button like Word has. That way I could experiment with my cooking and not fear ruining my dinner."
"You know what I like most about people? Pets."
"You know what I like most about people? Pets."
"The ultimate weapon is Lady Gaga’s music. Why kill the enemy when you can play her music and they’ll want to kill themselves?"
"From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge."