#Strange

"I want to upholster the inside lining of my nostrils with leather, to have that "new car smell"all the time."

"You say freak, I say unique."

"Your love story, I don’t want to give away the ending, but both you and your lover die."

"You are terrifying and strange and beautiful. Something not everyone knows how to love."

"There’s truth and honor in a mustache. And that’s why I started flying one on the flagpole outside of my house."

"What is pink, blurry, and always leaving when you’re arriving? Love."

"He had a new girl, and I told him she looked like Marilyn Monroe. He smiled because he thought I meant she was beautiful, and I smiled because I meant she looked like a corpse."

"All things are strange which are worth knowing."

"I rarely drink, but last night, after several hours and several beers at the bar, I found myself face to face with two huge boobs. They weren’t the breasts of a young woman, but those of an old man. Still, the taste of a nipple is genderless."

"You can’t buy love, it’s true. However, I am offering mine for rent. Buy one year and get the next six months at half price."

"33 old people went into a nursing home, and only 34 people came out alive. One old woman died while giving birth to twins."

"If love were a dolphin with wings and a unicorn’s horn, being ridden by a blind leprechaun dressed like Rasputin, would you believe in second chances for love at first sight?"

"I have a 12:34 representational time dance. I do it at 3:33 every other Tuesday (twice a day). If you’d like to participate in my choreographed dance routine, bring a football helmet and a half empty can of tuna (keeps the stray cats away, because I perform in a gritty, grimy downtown alley)."

"I’m 30-years-old, and I still can’t get out from under my father’s shadow. He’s really tall, so maybe I’ll just ask him to move over a few feet."

"We rode the merry-go-round like a couple of lovers. We weren’t though; we were just two horse enthusiasts from two different worlds (I think she was from Mars)."

"Nobody knows anything. I deal with people in all walks of life, some of whom should have some idea of what they're doing. And they're all clueless. It's astonishing that any bridges stay up, or that planes don't constantly plummet from the sky. It's heartening, in a strange way."

"I've thought a lot about success, because it's very strange to me that I've been successful."

"A string of burglaries is a crime necklace. Everything I have can be stolen except love, because I give it all away."

"I love you because I love you, and if you don’t like it you can use my circular logic as a noose and hang yourself."

"The morning always has a way of creeping up on me and peeking in my bedroom windows. The sunrise is such a pervert."