More quotes by Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

"If flowers were boogers, I'd pick a few big ones and flick them on your grave."
"The mouth is made for communication, and nothing is more articulate than a kiss."
"I saw this beautiful girl the other day. She had an ass behind her that seemed to go on for days. In fact, I’m still going on about her."
"With all the money my uncle embezzled over the years, it's no surprise he lives in a gated community. But what is amazing, however, is that he somehow managed to get his own cell."
"I like my relationships like I like my eggs. Over easy."