More quotes by Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

"I like my relationships like I like my eggs. Over easy."
"This morning my girlfriend was so loud in bed that we woke up the neighbors. So I told them to roll over and go back to sleep."
"I don't like customer service, because I don't believe the customer should have to pay and help out too."
"I used to date the lead singer of The Cranberries, but she cheated on me. Turns out she had some turkey on the side."
"If our destiny stems from our name, then I weep for the flower named Wilt."