The only time I really think is when I smoke, and I quit smo... - Jarod Kintz, There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

"The only time I really think is when I smoke, and I quit smoking years ago."

"Moral codes are like the ocean. Some people live by them, while others, such as myself, would rather live by a lake."

"I saw a bottle of conditioner the other day that said, "Family Size,"and I thought, That's odd, I didn't know too many families showered together."

"I’ve often wondered why more science textbooks don’t tell teenagers that the only thing sharks like to eat more than fish, are dead prostitutes."

"My parents always said that knowledge was the best gift they could give me, probably because they were too cheap to buy me Christmas or Birthday presents."