More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"I had a second friend come over to my house, and do you know what I called her? A refill. If relationships aren’t drinkable, why do we thirst for them so much?"
"She had coffee-colored eyes, if java were blue-green, and we made love like nobody was watching, which is probably why the audience demanded a refund for our poor performance."
"On the scale of tomato to ketchup, my girlfriend is definitely a 57."
"I want to sprint into her open arms, but I run as fast as two shoes tied together and thrown over a telephone wire. I’m like Roger Bannister, now that he’s in a wheelchair."
"Glue holds stuff together pretty well. But why not try using guitar music as an adhesive? After all, it’s held many bands together."