More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"You should save your hard-earned dollars, because one day when you have no electricity you'll need a big stash to burn to keep yourself warm."
"My love burns for you like I’m an arsonist and marshmallows-on-sticks salesman. $2.99 each, or 5 for $10."
"Buy one I love you for $3.99. Buy twelve for $48.00. That’s a savings of twelve cents—directly into my bank account. WARNING: CHOKING HAZARD—Objects not intended for individuals who tend to put forever objects in their mouths."
"If I could store any character quality in a cookie jar, I’d store patience. Chocolate-chip patience cookies. And I’d eat them all at one sitting."
"Standing in the kitchen when you’re hungry is torture. That’s why I moved my fridge to my dungeon, where I keep the prisoners."