#masters

"Wheaties: Breakfast of Champions... who'll endorse any product for a price."

"Fugly Fishmates For every woman that looks like a hatchet-faced haddockthere's an equally ugly flounder-faced man with even fewer prospects."

"Kraft Macaroni & Cheese: It's the cheesiest... ...advertising slogan ever!"

"River Mountain Ocean [10w] + [10w] + {Couplet} Rivers delight in their flow;Mountains savor their snow.But oceans are in concurrencetheir contentment comes from recurrence."

"Meek [10w] Blessed are the meek, for they've learned how to duck."

"Leaps of Faith [10w] Like religion, leaps of faith are behind all idealistic movements."

"Love vs. the Three Headed Dragon In relationships, the corrosive venom of the three-headed dragon areindifference, fault-finding and 'take-each-other-for-grantedness'.Only these cantarnish the shining armor of amour."

"Prolific [10w] "Perhaps I'm prolific because I believe creativity can forestall death."

"California [10w] No two snowflakes are alike,unless they're California yoga practitioners."

"Mmm Mmm Good Gimmick Campbell's Soup announced todayit's introducing 'QWERTY' soupfor our more computer literate children.Who are they kidding?They're just relabeling the old Alphabet Soup."

"Witticisms The greatest reward for coming up with some witty turn of phraseis that some day, if you're lucky,it may wind up in a fortune cookieat the very Chinese restaurant you're eating in!But if you get a big head about it,know it wasn't the flattery,it was the MSG."

"Government Intrusion [10w] + {Couplet} America's biggest illusion is the beliefthey're free from government intrusion."

"Spirochetes [10w] + {Couplet} Even amongst the spirochetes,there are the privileged and elites."

"Rebellious Fish [10w] Sometimes swimming against the current turns you into glazed salmon."

"Good and Evil To have good and evil the Devil must always remain a step beyond saving."

"How to Exercise Caution [10w] Walk in the counsel of the wickedon your treadmill."

"GPS for Sin "You've entered the point of no return;Re-cal-cu-la-ting."

"Object of Desire A woman knows she's the object of a unknown man's desirelike a game animal becoming aware it is being looked at."

"How to Get Girls into Bed When I take a new girl out on a dateI tell them I slipped poison into their wineand the antidote is on my penis."

"Let's get physical, physical [10w] All physical contact is meaningful,even if meaningful means sleazy."