#quote

"Learn from Children [10w] Children picture God as a smiley sun emanating love light."

"Preparation [10w] Hope for the best, but prepare for your insufferable wife."

"The Poet's Limitless Imagination [10w] The stringy shit from my goldfish turns him into a kite."

"Carlsberg: Probably the best lager in the world... ...just like IKEA is the best furniture on earth."

"Politicians [10w] All politicians serve two masters ~their ambition and their cocks."

"again!"=""Perfect happiness is when your child giggles and yells,"Again!"

"Telekinetic Poker Players Telekinetic poker players have a tell when they're bluffing:they always raise you."

"Damn You, TripAdvisor! My penis deserves to be a World Heritage Site,judging by the number of tourists trampling on my balls."

"Hustling [10w] Fishing's the world's oldest profession;only the bait has changed."

"Wheels of Change Discontentment is the wheels of change.You can either add some grease to bring about change faster,or run in front of them in protest,and be crushed by them."

"Wherefore Art Thou, William [10w] Every Shakespeare mouse 'tis tim'rous and every lover 'tis fuck'd."

"Scissor, Paper, Rock [10w] When time acts like a scissor,react like a rock."

"Silly String [10w] Life' an absurdity radiating from a spine of silly string."

"Moment of Truth 'Moment of truth' is derived fromthe Spanish momento de la verdad, that Hemingway epiphanous moment when the matador is about to kill the bull. Now it means the moment you realize you won't make it back to the parking meter before it expires ~sometimes expressed as, Motherfucker!"

"Pizza vs. Internet Porn I'm still debating whether pizza or internet porn is the best thing ever invented.I've already jack-off three times while eating a double-cheese pepperoni piemaking my careful deliberations."

"Spontaneous Gift Giving [10w] Learn to give gifts spontaneously accompanied by a love note."

"Legacy To leave a legacy,you first gotta leave your leg in the door."

"One Size Fits All Life Strategy Smile first.Ask questions later."

"God Made God made our beingour parents our bodyphilosophy our mindchildren our compassionhostory our loyaltywork our self-esteembattles our heroismpoetry our soulsoulmates our lovewhich stitches it all togetherinto a life."

"Fashion is about two things: the evolution and the opposite."