#sarcasm

"Why aren’t red traffic lights heart-shaped? Probably because it’s not like rush hour can get any more romantic."

"Death's got an Invisibility Cloak?"Harry interrupted again."So he can sneak up on people,"said Ron. "Sometimes he gets bored of running at them, flapping his arms and shrieking..."

"Comparing penis sizes is a much more nuanced and sophisticated way to determine who’s right than something as clunky and uncouth as a debate."

"I don't want tea,"said Clary, with muffled force. "I want to find my mother. And then I want to find out who took her in the first place, and I want to kill them.""Unfortunately,"said Hodge, "we're all out of bitter revenge at the moment, so it's either tea or nothing."

"The key to humor is often self-loathing or sarcasm. In a sense, that's how self-loathing is made palatable."

"Awww,"Minho said. "That's almost as sweet as that time she slammed the end of a spear into your shuck face."

"If money’s the god people worship, I’d rather go worship the devil instead."

"By the Angel,"Jace said, looking the demon up and down. "I knew Greater Demons were meant to be ugly, but no one ever warned me about the smell."Abbadon opened its mouth and hissed. Inside its mouth were two rows of jagged glass-sharp teeth."I'm not sure about this wind and howling darkness business,"Jace went on, "smells more like landfill to me. You sure you're not from Staten Island?"

"How are you feeling?"I leaned away from him. "Gross."Aiden frowned. "Gross?""I haven't brushed my teeth or washed my face in days. Don't come near me."He laughed. "Alex, come on.""Seriously, I'm gross."I put my hand over my mouth.Ignoring my protests, he leaned over and brushed my string hair back. "You're as beautiful as always, Alex."I stared at him. He must not get out much."

"I turned to Dionysus. "You cured him?""Madness is my specialty. It was quite simple.""But...you did something nice. Why?"He raised and eyebrow. "I am nice! I simple ooze niceness, Perry Johansson. Haven't you noticed?"

"Anything disguised as anything is chameleon. A ghost disguised as an unobservable and invisible object is a great example. Still, that’s easier to see than the love my ex wife had for me."

"As an author, I like self-help, because clapping can be done by myself, for myself. I should buy gloves."

"Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no fibs."