#sarcasm

"I don't do what I'm told, but I might do what you want if you ask me nicely."

"This is what happened in love. One of you cried a lot and then both of you grew sarcastic."

"I give 110% in love. If that seems absurd, just know that I used presidential voting machines to calculate that number. It's totally legit."

"It's now very common to hear people say, 'I'm rather offended by that.' As if that gives them certain rights. It's actually nothing more... than a whine. 'I find that offensive.' It has no meaning; it has no purpose; it has no reason to be respected as a phrase. 'I am offended by that.' Well, so fucking what."[I saw hate in a graveyard -- Stephen Fry, The Guardian, 5 June 2005]"

"I don't know about your true form, but the weight of your ego sure is pushing the crust of the earth toward the breaking point."

"If you say ‘we’re in this together,’ I’m going to hurl."

"Awww,"Minho said. "That's almost as sweet as that time she slammed the end of a spear into your shuck face."

"I have church on Sunday.”“Of course you do.”“You’re welcome to come along.”“Thanks, but I’m allergic to incense.”“That’s a shame.”“It’s the bane of my existence.”- Beth and Jake"

"Are you insinuatin' that my daughter is a liar?""Oh, no, not at all. I'm saying your daughter is a liar. Surely you can appreciate the difference."

"Why were you lurking under our window?""Yes - yes, good point, Petunia! What were you doing under our windows, boy?""Listening to the news,"said Harry in a resigned voice.His aunt and uncle exchanged looks of outrage."Listening to the news! Again?""Well, it changes every day, you see,"said Harry."

"Do you remember me telling you we are practicing non-verbal spells, Potter?""Yes,"said Harry stiffly."Yes, sir.""There's no need to call me "sir"Professor."The words had escaped him before he knew what he was saying."

"I cannot speak well enough to be unintelligible."

"Enormous? Did you just call me FAT? I am not fat. - Jace"

"Comparing penis sizes is a much more nuanced and sophisticated way to determine who’s right than something as clunky and uncouth as a debate."

"Relationships are so much like the United States - they only really thrive when faced with an external threat."

"I'll speak for myself, but there's a lot of humor to be found in sarcasm and darkness. You talk to any paramedic, they survive by developing a pretty off-kilter sense of humor."

"I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning."

"How 'bout a shot of truth in that denial cocktail."

"You did not just say that. I have a feeling we're on the verge of hugging and coming up with cute nicknames for each other."

"I am in full possession of the amazing power of being sarcastic."