#sarcasm

"I’m so sunburned I’m embarrassed, but you can’t tell I’m blushing because I’m sunburned. I’m so ashamed I could just lie on the beach and die."

"By the Angel,"Jace said, looking the demon up and down. "I knew Greater Demons were meant to be ugly, but no one ever warned me about the smell."Abbadon opened its mouth and hissed. Inside its mouth were two rows of jagged glass-sharp teeth."I'm not sure about this wind and howling darkness business,"Jace went on, "smells more like landfill to me. You sure you're not from Staten Island?"

"Hey, Carlos,"the Professor says when he walks in. "How was REACH?""It sucked.""Can you be more specific?"my guardian asks."It really sucked,"I elaborate, sarcasm dripping from every word."

"Why were you lurking under our window?""Yes - yes, good point, Petunia! What were you doing under our windows, boy?""Listening to the news,"said Harry in a resigned voice.His aunt and uncle exchanged looks of outrage."Listening to the news! Again?""Well, it changes every day, you see,"said Harry."

"A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle."

"Sometimes Americans don't quite get my sense of humor. My good ol' British sarcasm seems to go over their heads."

"How are you feeling?"I leaned away from him. "Gross."Aiden frowned. "Gross?""I haven't brushed my teeth or washed my face in days. Don't come near me."He laughed. "Alex, come on.""Seriously, I'm gross."I put my hand over my mouth.Ignoring my protests, he leaned over and brushed my string hair back. "You're as beautiful as always, Alex."I stared at him. He must not get out much."

"I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning."

"I'm sorry. I use my rapier wit to hide my inner pain."

"If you say ‘we’re in this together,’ I’m going to hurl."

"I'll speak for myself, but there's a lot of humor to be found in sarcasm and darkness. You talk to any paramedic, they survive by developing a pretty off-kilter sense of humor."

"Are you always a smartass?'Nope. Sometimes I'm asleep."

"I turned to Dionysus. "You cured him?""Madness is my specialty. It was quite simple.""But...you did something nice. Why?"He raised and eyebrow. "I am nice! I simple ooze niceness, Perry Johansson. Haven't you noticed?"

"How 'bout a shot of truth in that denial cocktail."

"I was supposed to be waiting up here when you got back, only your Phoenix lot got in the way...”“Yes, they do that,” said Dumbledore."

"Yes, we'll yell, 'Help, help us, goose girl, and bring the terrifying legion of warrior geese'."

"A diary with no drawings of me in it? Where are the torrid fantasies? The romance covers?"

"Simon: So were you following me? Or is it just an amazing coincidence that you happened to be on the roof of a building I was walking by when I got attacked?Jace: I was following you.Simon: Is this the part where you tell me you're secretly in love with me?"

"You did not just say that. I have a feeling we're on the verge of hugging and coming up with cute nicknames for each other."

"At this time of year it's easy to forget the true meaning of Christianity - the lies, the corruption, the abuse."