#sarcasm

"You see, that is the sad, sorry, terrible thing about sarcasm.It's really funny."

"I'm sorry. I use my rapier wit to hide my inner pain."

"I'm telling you, you really should stick to mating within your species, whatever that is.''I would,' I said, 'but unfortunately, there are no gorgeous, all-powerful, all-knowing gods around here. I'd even settle for a demigod. It's a step down, I know. But alas, there are nothing but low-brained mortals here. And half-brains, like you."

"You did not just say that. I have a feeling we're on the verge of hugging and coming up with cute nicknames for each other."

"It means 'Shadowhunters: Looking Better in Black Than the Widows of our Enemies Since 1234'."

"I'll speak for myself, but there's a lot of humor to be found in sarcasm and darkness. You talk to any paramedic, they survive by developing a pretty off-kilter sense of humor."

"If you say ‘we’re in this together,’ I’m going to hurl."

"Relationships are so much like the United States - they only really thrive when faced with an external threat."

"As an author, I like self-help, because clapping can be done by myself, for myself. I should buy gloves."

"the [coat] rack above his head like a javelin.On the other side of the door was Jace. He blinked. "Is that a coatrack?"Jordan slammed the coatrack down on the ground and sighed. "If you'd been a vampire, this would have been a lot more useful.""Yes,"said Jace. "Or, you know, just someone with a lot of coats."

"You've read half the books in this house? This whole house?""Well, approximately half."Sticky said. "To be more accurate, I suppose I've read more like"- his eyes went up as he calculated - "three sevenths? Yes, three sevenths.""Only three sevenths?"said Kate, pretending to look disappointed. "And here I was prepared to be impressed."

"I turned to Dionysus. "You cured him?""Madness is my specialty. It was quite simple.""But...you did something nice. Why?"He raised and eyebrow. "I am nice! I simple ooze niceness, Perry Johansson. Haven't you noticed?"

"She'd met Colin on a Monday.She'd kissed him on a Friday.Twelve years later.She sighed. It seemed fairly pathetic."

"I was supposed to be waiting up here when you got back, only your Phoenix lot got in the way...”“Yes, they do that,” said Dumbledore."

"Somebody says, 'Do a Tom Bodett, a folksy kind of thing,' and it sounds like something out of 'Hee Haw,' very insulting. They turn wry humor into disparaging sarcasm, and you get what amounts to insulting advertising."

"Why were you lurking under our window?""Yes - yes, good point, Petunia! What were you doing under our windows, boy?""Listening to the news,"said Harry in a resigned voice.His aunt and uncle exchanged looks of outrage."Listening to the news! Again?""Well, it changes every day, you see,"said Harry."

"Comparing penis sizes is a much more nuanced and sophisticated way to determine who’s right than something as clunky and uncouth as a debate."

"Are you always a smartass?'Nope. Sometimes I'm asleep."

"Anything disguised as anything is chameleon. A ghost disguised as an unobservable and invisible object is a great example. Still, that’s easier to see than the love my ex wife had for me."

"How long have you been with Raphael?”“You ask a lot of questions for a dead woman.”“What can I say? I prefer to die well-informed.”-Venom and Elena"