#self-improvement

"For us to regard others as worthy, we have to begin by regarding ourselves as worthy."

"Pamela Anderson Haiku Ben Stillerbeds Pamela Anderson.My alarm clock rings"

"Mmm Mmm Good Gimmick Campbell's Soup announced todayit's introducing 'QWERTY' soupfor our more computer literate children.Who are they kidding?They're just relabeling the old Alphabet Soup."

"Campbell's Soup: M'm! M'm! Good!... ...even though our products have more sodium than the Dead Sea."

"How to Get Girls into Bed When I take a new girl out on a dateI tell them I slipped poison into their wineand the antidote is on my penis."

"Sunshine On My Shoulders When you're home's always filled with sunshine,you're either blessed or it's time to fix the roof."

"Hook 'em I know how to leave them satisfied and hungry for more ~with a carefully administered shot of insulin."

"Free Will [20w] A bunch of amino acids bumping up together is not the scientific explanation of free will, it's grilling a hamburger."

"Masochist [10w] A masochist goes to massage parlor seeking a tragic ending."

"Self-Contempt [10w] Self-contempt is calling yourself collect and refusing to accept the charges."

"Pretending to be Deep ;) [10w] Only from the mountain's valley can you see the peak."

"What is the Meaning of Life? [10w] {3} To create its meaning every day we live and love."

"In the Future [1]: (criminals) In the future we're going to find a wayto turn criminals into wordsand then place them in parentheses."

"No Planning for Death [10w] People put more planning into a weekend vacation than death."

"Obscure Poetry Obscurity does not make a poem better or deeper.It simply makes it obscure."

"Minimum Wage [10w] Even trained bears couldn't bear working for bare minimum wage."

"Speak to the Head [10w] + {Couplet} Tis of no fucking availTo speak to the tail."

"Let's Face It [10w] If you've peed on enough fire hydrants, you're a dog."

"Each store will fulfil some of your needs, but no individual store can meet all of your needs. Learning how to set realistic expectations now and in future relationships requires you to examine each of the existing stores to see what they can offer."

"Becoming [10w] We're a becoming whose final shape is unknown to all."