#self-improvement

"La Récolteuse de la Mort Je suis la Récolteuse de la Mort et ~vous êtes ce que je viens pour les!"

"I am passionate learner."

"Retail Haiku [7w] LollapaloozaLiquidation Blowout Sale.Everything Must Go!"

"View life through a wide angle lens attitude and see your horizons broaden."

"Campbell's Soup: M'm! M'm! Good!... ...even though our products have more sodium than the Dead Sea."

"Over-Douse [10w] Trying to mask death's smell,old ladies over-douse on perfume."

"No That's Bad Aim Shoot!That ass clown couldn't hit the broad side of a barnwith the smart photon torpedohe lifted from Area 51."

"Pamela Anderson Haiku Ben Stillerbeds Pamela Anderson.My alarm clock rings"

"Cookie Cutter Criticism A critic tried to fit my sense of humor in a cookie cutter,but it wouldn't fit his preconceived shape of what comedy should be.So he pressed harder, and harder and harder until the cookie cutter cut a cookie shaperight through the palm of his hand.It doesn't hurt anymore when the critic tries to slap me in the face.There's no more hot-air resistance."

"practice only envisioning yourself at the finish line and be unrelenting and fervent in racing towards that finish line. Undue preoccupation and fixation with the how's, whens, and what ifs will not only derail and further distance you from your destination, but will also feed your mind with those fatal seeds of doubt that make failure inevitable"~ Awaken and Unleash your Victor"

"Notice the difference between being in control and needing control."

"Wheels of Change Discontentment is the wheels of change.You can either add some grease to bring about change faster,or run in front of them in protest,and be crushed by them."

"Mingling Defined [10w] Superficial people engaging with superficial people on a superficial level."

"Doublemint Gum: Double your pleasure. Double your fun... ...we're talking ménage à trois, you son of a gun."

"No-brainers [10w] No-brainers are challenging enough for people with no fucking brains."

"The Squeaky Wheel The squeaky wheel ~will put you $374.43 in the holeafter replacing the brake pad, rotorsand $500 with a new master cylinder."

"Carrots and Creativity [10w] Put a carrot in front of you for optimal creativity."

"What happens when you trip China's Premier Li Keqiang on a banana peel? Your wind up with an even more slippery slope."

"Spreading Yourself Too Thin We tend to bite off more than we can chewbecause we've got big mouths."

"Heartbreak [10w] Heartbreak’s like a heart attack but without the hospital bills."