#self-improvement

"Lenny Bruce I'm going to be rich!I figured out how to get schlong-juice stains off of suede."

"Gray [10w] Since gray's the 'new black' things aren't black and white."

"Inspiration vs. Plagiarism [10w] Inspiration is improving on another's idea;plagiarism is copy/paste piracy."

"Deal or No Deal ~ Deal with It "God, please tell me the place I'm going after I dieis filled with bright eyes and bushy tails, or I'm not going."

"Want vs. What's Coming to You As the Rolling Stones say,You can't always get what you want ~but God will always give you what's coming to you."

"Stand out from the crowd, be yourself."

"Jesus Christ Hiaku Jesus Christget a job already.You're killing your mother!"

"Memories [10w] Spend half your life creating memories,the other half, remembering."

"Hungry When you're hungry everything tastes good.Note to myself: Don't get married when you're hungry."

"I’m not a very good sleeper. But you know what? I’m willing to put in a few extra hours every day to get better. That’s just the kind of hard worker I am."

"Say No to Drugs Commercials The image of an egg sizzling in a frying pan is not your brain on drugs.It's just a fucking omelet."

"Having Words with Words [10w] ”I’ve had a falling out with words,leaving me speechless."

"The Great Blue of the Great Blue A Great Blue whale mourns her hunted mate.Her heart, once the size of an SUV,lonely rides the empty sea,her heart's now withered to subcompact class,her whys and wherefores, run out of gas."

"The 'Ugly' Poet [10w] Poets develop cleverness with wordsto compensate for their unattractiveness."

"Fate [10w] The eternal point where our dreams intersect is called fate."

"Failing to make it to the list of the best 5 students in class or not being named the team captain should not make anyone feel like they have failed."

"Now [10w] + {Couplet} Whether you Hurry up! or P r o c r a s t i n a t e,the NOW doesn't discriminate."

"Life Imprisonment with No Possibility of Parole [10w] "The needle is preferable to three hots and a cot."

"Mint Julep {Couplet} I've had more than a hint of a tulip or two,after treating them to a mint julep, or two."

"The Squeaky Wheel The squeaky wheel ~will put you $374.43 in the holeafter replacing the brake pad, rotorsand $500 with a new master cylinder."