#spiritual-development

"Death Has Bad Timing Death has bad timingbecause rigor mortis sets into your penisjust when you don't fucking need it."

"Ageing [10w] There's no such thing as age -- only degrees of opacity."

"Fabulous Creatures and Trust Issues [10w] Never trust a sheep in wolf’s clothing despite the unicorn."

"Fat Bungee Jumpers When I watch a fat woman bungee jumpI swear I can feel the earth leaving its orbit."

"Self-Sufficiency [10w] When God closes a door,buy a Sawzall from Home Depot."

"Love Fades [10w] Like our love,Chinese painters show distance in faded grays."

"Alone [10w] Alone in bed because of three wordsI hadn't said."

"Selfie [10w] For the millennial generationa selfie is a family portrait."

"Hatred is a Simple Child Hatred is a simple child nurtured and coddled in a raging heart and then released into a crowd of innocents wearing a suicide vest."

"Vacations for Souls [10w] When souls are bored in Heaven they vacation in Hell."

"Tickled Pink Today,without thinking,I filled my half-empty fish tank, to its brink.Having doubled the size of his universe,my Siamese bettais quite tickled pinkThe same thing happens when you fill my half-empty world with your love.Bai, keep pourin'!"

"Epic vs. Great Poetry [10w] Epic poetry's about the extraordinary;Great poetry is about the commonplace."

"Proof Proof of God's existence is as silly as proof of love's."

"Vengeance, Thy Name is Woman Betrayed women aren't exactly vengeful,but they aren't exactly anything else."

"Missouri State Motto Salus populi suprema lex esto [16]If our chiggers don't getcha', Rush Limbaugh will."

"Boundaries [10w] Receiving bribes blurs the clear boundaries between friends and enemies."

"Pulling a Houdini Relationships are magic;we're always getting each other out of handcuffs and strait-jacketswhile locked in a steamer trunk underwater."

"You're My Favorite' If you want all your children to know they're your favorite,give them all the same nameand whisper this confession in all their earswith the promise not to telltheir brothers and sisters."

"Unruffled [10w] Nothing’s calmer than an unruffled duck eating a cool cucumber."

"Heartbreak [10w] Heartbreak’s like a heart attack but without the hospital bills."