#spiritual-growth

"Spooning [10w] Love means tasting her spaghetti sauce on a wooden spoon."

"Sink or Swim [10w] Lovers master the breaststroke, the crawl and the muff dive."

"The Poet's Job [10w] + {Couplet} Trigger memory, explode an emotion;the poet must create commotion....................................................­....................."

"Writer's Prayers That Don't Work "Lord, lead me from the banality of everyday life,to the gleaming one beneath the surface."

"Beating the Language Like a Tom-Tom with a Mohawk "Actually, you will receive a free pre-owned gift with every purchase,irregardless of the awesome enormity of your stupidity."

"Wine [10w] American wines tasting as good as French wines are presumptuous."

"Virtual Friends [10w] Internet camaraderie's bullshit because these 'friends' can't be relied upon."

"If I Were God [10w] If I were God I'd sell my shit on Ebay."

"Clairol 2: Hair color so natural only her hairdresser knows for sure... ...but he's gay and already Tweeted it to 300 people."

"Embalming [10w] Injecting baking soda whitens, freshens, and softens the dearly departed."

"Vacations for Souls [10w] When souls are bored in Heaven they vacation in Hell."

"but,=""soft!=""what=""light=""through=""yonder=""window=""breaks?"=""[10w]="""Shut the fuck up! I think we got a burglar."

"New Year Resolutions I [10w] Change my voice;unclog my ears;open my heart."

"Politicians [10w] All politicians serve two masters ~their ambition and their cocks."

"Compassion [10w] Compassion is the combination to enter the vault of heaven."

"Carlsberg: Probably the best lager in the world... ...just like IKEA is the best furniture on earth."

"Your Poem A poem is a waking dream.If your poem is shit,then it was a fucking nightmare."

"Cookie Cutter Criticism A critic tried to fit my sense of humor in a cookie cutter,but it wouldn't fit his preconceived shape of what comedy should be.So he pressed harder, and harder and harder until the cookie cutter cut a cookie shaperight through the palm of his hand.It doesn't hurt anymore when the critic tries to slap me in the face.There's no more hot-air resistance."

"Death Has Bad Timing Death has bad timingbecause rigor mortis sets into your penisjust when you don't fucking need it."

"Pedestals [10w] People should not be placed on pedestals unless they're stuffed."