David Sedaris, Me Talk Pretty One Day

"The rabbit of Easter. He bring of the chocolate."

"The rabbit of Easter. He bring of the chocolate."

"I hate you' she said to me one afternoon. 'I really, really hate you.' Call me sensitive, but I couldn't help but take it personally."

"Like all of my friends, she's a lousy judge of character."

"If you aren't cute, you may as well be clever."

"At the end of a miserable day, instead of grieving my virtual nothing, I can always look at my loaded wastepaper basket and tell myself that if I failed, at least I took a few trees down with me."

"but I have no mind for business and considered staying awake to be enough of an accomplishment."

"When asked "What do we need to learn this for?"any high-school teacher can confidently answer that, regardless of the subject, the knowledge will come in handy once the student hits middle age and starts working crossword puzzles in order to stave off the terrible loneliness."