"I don’t know the kind of person I’ll be tomorrow, but I’ll be able to look back on yesterday and ask “What was that guy’s problem?” The future is full of condescending jerks."
"When you loathe yourself, a true friend will respect your honesty. And if you’ve been fortunate in life, he will probably share your opinion."
"People who practice freedom of expression are terrorizing our grammatical way of life."
"The idealist hopes. The romantic sees doom. The postmodernist sees doom and hopes."
"Love leads people to become lost in their own feelings and ignore the world, so it’s no surprise their love for the world goes unrequited."
"Husband: a man with hopes of being a lover who settles for being a provider, causing his wife to grow suspicious of her depleting jewelry box."