All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an... - Will Rogers

"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went."

"Never miss a good chance to shut up."

"Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else."

"Even if you are on the right track, but just sit there, you will still get run over."

"Always drink upstream from the herd."