All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an... - Will Rogers

"Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else."

"Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need."

"Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else."

"Never miss a good chance to shut up."

"Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there."