Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. - Groucho Marx

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'."

"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."

"Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others."

"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know."

"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."