Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone. - Dorothy Parker

"There's a hell of a distance between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply calisthenics with words."[Interview, The Paris Review, Summer 1956]"

"That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment."

"I require three things in a man: he must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid."

"The sun's gone dim, and the moon's gone black. For I loved him, and he didn't love back."

"The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires."