I require three things in a man: he must be handsome, ruthle... - Dorothy Parker

"There's a hell of a distance between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply calisthenics with words."[Interview, The Paris Review, Summer 1956]"

"If I had a shiny gun I could have a world of fun Speeding bullets through the brains Of the folks that cause me pains :)"

"And there was that poor sucker Flaubert rolling around on his floor for three days looking for the right word."

"It costs me never a stab nor squirm / To tread by chance upon a worm. / Aha, my little dear, / I say, Your clan will pay me back one day."

"If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to."