"Every guy says he's not like every guy, thus proving he is like every guy. Show me a guy who's different, and I'll tell you to stop pointing at me."
"I’ve got a nice racket going. I make tennis ball swatters. My favorite score is love all. That’s also how I live my life."
"There exists a big circus tent, and the right entrance is named The Republicans, and the left entrance is called The Democrats. People argue over which is the correct path, not realizing everyone inside is a clown."
"I want to sprint into her open arms, but I run as fast as two shoes tied together and thrown over a telephone wire. I’m like Roger Bannister, now that he’s in a wheelchair."
"I have a lot of love to give, because free samples are the best way to encourage sales."
"A turtle is like a lizard in a bicycle helmet, and I think that’s romantic. That reminds me, I should write a love song called, “Dinner for two—plus one."