He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when... - P.G. Wodehouse

"As for Gussie Finknottle, many an experienced undertaker would have been deceived by his appearance and started embalming on sight."

"There is only one cure for grey hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine."

"[A]lways get to the dialogue as soon as possible. I always feel the thing to go for is speed. Nothing puts the reader off more than a big slab of prose at the start."(Interview, The Paris Review, Issue 64, Winter 1975)"

"I know I was writing stories when I was five. I don't know what I did before that. Just loafed, I suppose."

"I just sit at my typewriter and curse a bit."