Hotel hallways should have conveyer belts for floors, so I c... - Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"I like to call in sick to work at places where I’ve never held a job. Then when the manager tells me I don’t work there, I tell them I’d like to. But not today, as I’m sick."

"I sleep when I blink. I dream like I love—continuously."

"The curve of her smile, the curve of the small of her back, the curve of her laugh, everything about her makes me want to be more well-rounded."

"Wisdom is knowing when you are being patient, and when you are wasting time by waiting."

"What does it mean to be the best? It means you have to be better than the number two guy. But what gratification is there in that? He's a loser—that’s why he's number two."