Hotel hallways should have conveyer belts for floors, so I c... - Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"If I were splat proof, I wouldn’t be afraid of heights. Also, I wish I had a bouncy ball for a heart, so I could love fearlessly."

"Nostalgia is being blind to the bad and only remembering the good. Thinking about all the love I had for her is a positively Helen-Kelleresque experience."

"As a fiction writer, let me make it up, and let me make it up to you. I’ll pen our love story, if you’ll be my co-author."

"I can tell if two people are in love by how they hold each other’s hands, and how thick their sanitation gloves are."

"You wash the horse, and I’ll wash the horse trainer. Then we’ll wash the dishes while we gallop into the sunset like two dirty lovers."