"I could tell by their audible gasps that the people on the beach were jealous of me when I found five shark's teeth. Locating them wasn't really the problem, but pulling them out of my leg was."
"I don't like customer service, because I don't believe the customer should have to pay and help out too."
"If our destiny stems from our name, then I weep for the flower named Wilt."
"I wouldn't say I'm superficial, just averagely ficial."
"I saw this beautiful girl the other day. She had an ass behind her that seemed to go on for days. In fact, I’m still going on about her."
"My father sacrificed his life for our family when I was growing up. He was one of the bravest, wisest, and most unselfish goats I have ever known, and I will miss his cheese dearly."