More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"She looked so sexy with her sixteen cats that I just had to swipe right, but when she messaged me first quoting Monty Python, I knew it was Tinder love. Maybe on the first date we’ll knit the blanket we’ll make love under."
"His hair isn’t turning gray—it’s turning silver, and it’s going up in value. Aging is the best hedge against an inflationary fiat currency."
"I’ll cut jewels in the shape of crumpled-up pieces of paper. Her wedding ring may look like my 33rd attempt at my marriage vows."
"If anybody is looking to rent a dancing partner for an evening, I have one left in stock. That one is me, and I am on sale ‘til Tuesday at two."
"What does it mean to be the best? It means you have to be better than the number two guy. But what gratification is there in that? He's a loser—that’s why he's number two."