"I just got done digging a hole shaped like a human body. But I have no idea what to bury. I’ll probably hide all my love for you, like I would with any other treasure."
"I just bought some cargo pants, so I can deliver goods at the speed of a walk. It’s an environmentally friendly #startup."
"Some men have actually died from laughing. That's so funny I fear for my own life."
"I'm here at The Container Store looking for something large enough to hold all my love for her. It's a flood, so I hope they sell Shipping Container Ships."
"When she tried to seduce me, I got suspicious, thinking she was just after my massive fortune. Then I relaxed, when I remembered I'm poor."
"My skull needs a tornado inside, to clean out my thoughts. I’ll call Kansas tomorrow to see if I can rent one for the day."