More quotes by Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"If you work in a hospital, you can’t easily fake call in sick to work. Oh, you’re sick? Well why don’t you come in to work and we’ll have a look at it."
"If you tell me I look like someone you know, I might get panicked and think you’re on to me. I thought nobody saw me abduct that guy and steal his identity."
"I was going to change my clothes, but I changed my mind instead."
"The fastest way to lose weight is to find religion and start fasting."
"Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers."