I lost a little weight over the weekend. I cut my fingernail... - Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"Any lustful fool can love a million women, but only a real man can love one woman cloned a million times."

"If religion is a crutch, then society is the broken foot."

"I haven’t been feeling like myself lately. No, I’ve been feeling like my clone."

"A stationary bike is a device that epitomizes the phrase “hurry up and wait."

"I am a master of logic and a powerfully convincing debater. In fact, against my better judgment, I can talk myself out of doing anything."