More quotes by Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"I want to own a wind farm. Don’t breathe, or you’ll undermine the price of my crop."
"I like to vote, but not be voted on. I don’t mind losing one on one, but to lose through a vote means the majority think I’m a loser."
"You’re disoriented. You just woke up. You’re in the future. You’ve been asleep for eight hours."
"His name is Randy Randy. Or maybe it’s Randy Randy. I always get his first and last names mixed up."
"When anybody honks at me in traffic, I blush, wave, and shout, “Thanks for being a fan.” Being a celebrity is a 24/7 thing."