More quotes by Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"There’s nothing funny about war. Well, aside from this joke Orafoura told me: What did WWI say to WWII? I wish I could tell you the punch line, but the restaurant was so noisy that I didn’t hear it. But I laughed anyway, because I’ll bet it was pretty funny."
"I’m a powerful being. I caused the night to turn into day. And I didn’t even try! I simply waited. I’ll bet I could even do it in my sleep."
"I lost a little weight over the weekend. I cut my fingernails."
"The fastest way to lose weight is to find religion and start fasting."
"I smiled, and you winked. I think. Perhaps you merely blink with one eye at a time."