More quotes by Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

"I often fantasize about torturing some of the lazier letters of the alphabet, like C, U, and E, because together they only manage to accomplish as much as the solitary letter Q."
"I wouldn't say I'm superficial, just averagely ficial."
"I have a fear of palindromes. Maybe because the only person to ever beat the hell out of me was a man named Bob."
"I will never buy a fish tank, because I don't believe in supporting the funding of aquatic war machines."
"If I promise you I'll show up fifteen minutes late, I'll always arrive on time."