I want to be a cowboy, but only long enough to barge into a... - Jarod Kintz, I Want

"I want to write a poem about "Truth,""Honor,""Dignity,"and whether the toilet paper should roll over or under when you pull on it."

"I want to merge a Phoenix with a Camel to create the world's first everlasting cigarette. It'll be a cigarette that rises from its own ashes, so you can keep smoking it indefinitely."

"I want to be strapped to a table, while a family of chickens argues over who gets to eat my legs."

"I want to write a book so long that it will take the average person their whole life to read. It will be exactly the same length as the Bible."

"I want to write my own eulogy, and I want to write it in Latin. It seems only fitting to read a dead language at my funeral."