More quotes by Jarod Kintz, I Want

"I want to write the Boston Marathon of run-on sentences. And since it'll be so long, I'll replace all the commas with the word Gatorade, to help push people through it."
"I want to end global hunger by feeding half the world’s starving people to the other half."
"I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair."
"I want to see an elephant hunt down a man for the sole purpose of collecting his teeth, while a chorus of typewriters sings songs that praises the bananas for their wisdom, leadership, and their high levels of potassium."
"I want to be strapped to a table, while a family of chickens argues over who gets to eat my legs."