More quotes by Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"I’m very close to my dad. He’s about six inches away right now and snoring in my ears."
"The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn’t around to propose to her."
"I got a new car. I just need to put it together. They’re easier to steal piece by piece."
"I called an insurance company to get a quote. They gave me one of Oscar Wilde’s best."
"Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers."