Love your wife, your servant and your enemy equally, and fil... - Bauvard, Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

"I don’t know the kind of person I’ll be tomorrow, but I’ll be able to look back on yesterday and ask “What was that guy’s problem?” The future is full of condescending jerks."

"Unrequited love is the only possible way to give yourself to another without being held in indentured servitude."

"A man wrapped up in himself always suffocates. But his loved ones will forever hold in their hearts the memory of that Christmas."

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder, until it stops beating. Getting ripped out of the chest tends to have that effect."

"I wanted to have premarital sex with a midget, but I was afraid the ringmaster would banish me for unlawful carnival knowledge."