"If my name were Mememem, and I had just ran into someone who should have known my name but couldn’t recall it, I’d probably say, “I can’t believe you don’t remememember my name."
"My birthday is on a holiday. I just have to wait until I die and they commemorate me."
"Whether you live to be 50 or 100 makes no difference, if you made no difference in the world."
"Even a fool recognizes that there is great sadness in a bucket of tears. But only a wise man thinks to conserve water and use that bucket to wash his car."
"In high school I barely made the rodeo team. But I wasn’t good enough to start, so I just rode the bench."
"I’d love to create a personal profile on a dating site with a headline that reads, “Great Listener Seeks Mute Woman."