#Weird

"I'm very polite by nature, even the voices in my head let each other finish their sentences."

"I love Huey Lewis, but not the News, because the News is too depressing."

"You say freak, I say unique."

"He had a new girl, and I told him she looked like Marilyn Monroe. He smiled because he thought I meant she was beautiful, and I smiled because I meant she looked like a corpse."

"I want to upholster the inside lining of my nostrils with leather, to have that "new car smell"all the time."

"I'm going to do a lot of weird stuff that's not going to be like me prancing around like an insane 12-year-old. I showed everybody that side of me and I think it's time to do different stuff, even when it comes down to the type of humor. I want to do some drier, weirder stuff."

"I can tie a cherry stem into a knot with my tongue. Now, if only I could do the same with my shoelaces, I wouldn’t have to banana pudding my way to success."

"Her love was like cigarette smoke stirred into coffee. I drank it so fast it made me cough, but she’s not offering a refill at any price."

"It's weird doing red carpets; it's uncomfortable. But you can have a sense of humor about it."

"For me, I really love 'Tim and Eric' and 'Dr. Steve Brule' and a lot of the Adult Swim shows, so I like strange, weird, sometimes slightly upsetting humor."

"I want to mail my mailman something. He always brings me mail, yet I never give him any mail. Maybe he will appreciate the thought, or maybe he will feel I am making more work for him."

"If my name were Mememem, and I had just ran into someone who should have known my name but couldn’t recall it, I’d probably say, “I can’t believe you don’t remememember my name."

"I’m 30-years-old, and I still can’t get out from under my father’s shadow. He’s really tall, so maybe I’ll just ask him to move over a few feet."

"There’s truth and honor in a mustache. And that’s why I started flying one on the flagpole outside of my house."

"I want to make something of myself. I believe it’s called a statue."

"I was nervous. Like an ice cube, I just froze up. Then I melted in some strange guy’s drink."

"When the clock reads 3:00, I don’t call it three o’clock, I call it three hundred, and I remember the Spartans. At 3:01, however, I remember what I was doing at 2:59, and I get back to it."

"We all know interspecies romance is weird."

"I'm looking into my past lives. I'm convinced some of them still owe me money."

"My love is like the shape your mouth makes while you whistle. Would you mind if I accompanied you on my harmonica?"