#Weird

"If my name were Mememem, and I had just ran into someone who should have known my name but couldn’t recall it, I’d probably say, “I can’t believe you don’t remememember my name."

"Like Alexander the Great and Caesar, I’m out to conquer the world. But first I have to stop at Walmart and pick up some supplies."

"Just as heart is a fountain of unspoken words,the universe is a womb of wonder weird worlds."

"There are people who are generic. They make generic responses and they expect generic answers. They live inside a box and they think people who don't fit into their box are weird. But I'll tell you what, generic people are the weird people. They are like genetically-manipulated plants growing inside a laboratory, like indistinguishable faces, like droids. Like ignorance."

"My love is like the shape your mouth makes while you whistle. Would you mind if I accompanied you on my harmonica?"

"I can tie a cherry stem into a knot with my tongue. Now, if only I could do the same with my shoelaces, I wouldn’t have to banana pudding my way to success."

"Her love was like cigarette smoke stirred into coffee. I drank it so fast it made me cough, but she’s not offering a refill at any price."

"I want to mail my mailman something. He always brings me mail, yet I never give him any mail. Maybe he will appreciate the thought, or maybe he will feel I am making more work for him."

"Art imitates life and, sometimes, life imitates art. It's a weird combination of elements."

"There’s truth and honor in a mustache. And that’s why I started flying one on the flagpole outside of my house."

"I want to keep a human mouth on my coffee table. It’ll be a great conversation starter."

"Don’t try to hog loneliness and keep it all to yourself. Share it with a special someone."

"Love knows no boundaries. I wish I would have known that before I hired a cartographer to map out my romantic territory."

"It's weird doing red carpets; it's uncomfortable. But you can have a sense of humor about it."

"I'm very polite by nature, even the voices in my head let each other finish their sentences."

"I'm going to do a lot of weird stuff that's not going to be like me prancing around like an insane 12-year-old. I showed everybody that side of me and I think it's time to do different stuff, even when it comes down to the type of humor. I want to do some drier, weirder stuff."

"When the clock reads 3:00, I don’t call it three o’clock, I call it three hundred, and I remember the Spartans. At 3:01, however, I remember what I was doing at 2:59, and I get back to it."

"We all know interspecies romance is weird."

"I'm looking into my past lives. I'm convinced some of them still owe me money."

"I want to make something of myself. I believe it’s called a statue."