If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? - George Carlin

"Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck"

"Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain."

"He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly."

"It's important in life if you don't give a shit. It can help you a lot."

"There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls."