It’s absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want... - Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"The way I wrestle five-year-olds makes me think if I were ever attacked by a pack of midgets, I’d be OK."

"I lost a little weight over the weekend. I cut my fingernails."

"I’m such an alcoholic that I go to church just for communion."

"On the night of the murder I was at home, asleep. The characters in my dream can vouch for me."

"I was going to change my clothes, but I changed my mind instead."