More quotes by Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

"If flowers were boogers, I'd pick a few big ones and flick them on your grave."
"I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning."
"In high school I got voted most likely to get voted for something. Even though I was the only one who voted, it still felt terrific being nominated."
"I saw this beautiful girl the other day. She had an ass behind her that seemed to go on for days. In fact, I’m still going on about her."
"I used to date the lead singer of The Cranberries, but she cheated on me. Turns out she had some turkey on the side."