"It’s not uncommon for me to be early to meetings by as much as a half a gallon. I guess the reason I am so punctual is because I have a very fluid concept of time."
"What does it mean to be the best? It means you have to be better than the number two guy. But what gratification is there in that? He's a loser—that’s why he's number two."
"Like a ballet dancer, she keeps me on my toes. This dance we're doing, it keeps me so fit I know she's a perfect fit for me."
"If I die with a zillion dollars and you die with zero, our net worth is worthless. All that matters is the love we level across our lives."
"There are two typos of people in this world: those who can edit, and those who can't."
"You can’t win in love. But if you could, I’d be the clear victor. Vodka is also clear, and I must be drunk."