"Let love find you. Don’t go looking for it. The best way to attract a mate is to post an ad on Craigslist titled, “Have lube, will travel."
"I am the broth of love. Make soup to me."
"Stairs, are they going up or are they going down? They’re so confusing! If love were a physical thing, it would be stairs."
"I both made the knife-fighting team, and I got cut. If only love were so easy to understand."
"Asking me if I’m in love is like asking a mortician if now is the best time to die."
"We made love like two folding lawn chairs. We were both motionless, but the possibility of movement permeated the moment."