"Let love find you. Don’t go looking for it. The best way to attract a mate is to post an ad on Craigslist titled, “Have lube, will travel."
"I’m running from the very person I’m chasing, and this is how I know I’m in love."
"She didn't say it, I only thought she said it. So really it was my thought, my words, and not hers. How could I confuse "I love you"with "May I take your order?"
"I didn’t tackle him. I gave him a flying hug. Sometimes love is up in the air until it hits you."
"I have never seduced a fish taco for selfish reasons. I am an altruistic lover."
"Love is like a portable lamp/sex toy. The world calls those flashlights, but I’m much more romantic."