"Let love find you. Don’t go looking for it. The best way to attract a mate is to post an ad on Craigslist titled, “Have lube, will travel."
"We can’t be lovers because we both have mustaches. But since you’re a lady, and I’m a gentleman, I’ll shave mine off."
"If I had no penis, how would I pee? How would I make love? How would I think?"
"Life, it’s made up of two things—time and love. A watch tells one, but what tells the other? We tell each other."
"A coffin would make a great suitcase. If I folded it neatly, I’ll bet I could pack in all my love for you."
"Life, it’s made up of two things—time and love. A watch tells one, but what tells the other? We tell each other."