"Life goal: Swim in a lake full of soup, and instead of bathing suits we’ll wear Ziploc bags while we make love like we’re feeding the homeless."
"Unreturned love is like trying to make a sandwich with one slice of bread. Don’t stress—fold it in half and love yourself."
"Using a mannequin and some rope, could you ride two bicycles at once? Next time, try three bikes. Then truly love someone, because that’s even harder."
"I grew a garden in her heart. There was plenty of space for flowers, because her heart was completely empty of love."
"I just bought some cargo pants, so I can deliver goods at the speed of a walk. It’s an environmentally friendly #startup."
"Only a fool would say they’re not a fool. Well, I am not a fool, which is why I say I am a fool."