"Love is the jelly to sunshine’s peanut butter. And if I tell you that I’m in sandwich with you, I’m not just saying it to get in your Ziploc bag."
"With a palindrome of a name, like Bob, I’d be both right thinking and dyslexic. Would you love me more as a Bob, or as a Bob?"
"My boxers should require batteries, because I’m such an exceptional lover that pizza delivery people call me for carry out. 30 minutes or less—as if!"
"Two become one when two are in love—or when the waitress asks about our dinner bill. I’ll pay next time, I promise."
"Love has a certain weightlessness to it, much as my meaty penis would on the moon."
"Love is the only gift that’s acceptable to give away as soon as you get it."