More quotes by Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

"If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people."
"If I promise you I'll show up fifteen minutes late, I'll always arrive on time."
"I used to date the lead singer of The Cranberries, but she cheated on me. Turns out she had some turkey on the side."
"This morning my girlfriend was so loud in bed that we woke up the neighbors. So I told them to roll over and go back to sleep."
"To me, the perfect date consists of dinner, dancing, and sex with a girl who has no stomach or legs, but does have an overactive sex drive."