Quarterbacks shouldn’t leave the pocket, because that’s wher... - Jarod Kintz, Sleepwalking is restercise

"At church, during communion, they give out free wine. Whoa! Talk about a great place to drink and meet women."

"Here’s what I’d love to see: A vending machine that dispenses cats for petting on your lunch break. Instead of money, the machine accepts hugs."

"Quarterbacks shouldn’t leave the pocket, because that’s where the money is. Every politician knows this."

"Would you mind if I used your kitchen sink to take a bath? I have the hygiene of a midget."

"She likes her wine white, and that’s how I like my clam chowder. So chuggable!"